Teddy bears have it...

Identity issue?

2009-05-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I visited Quebec last winter and all the kids kept shouting BON HOMME and pawing at me just because I was wearing a red woollen hat with a ponpon... What did I do to deserve that???

Rug???

2009-05-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I went to a golf club the other day and they had a roaring fire in the "Pro's Lounge" so I made myself comfortable in front of it. I must have dozed off because suddenly I noticed three ladies lying on my back chatting away... They thought I was the fire place bear skin... I didn't mind too much until one of them spilled her Martini all over me. Stank like a wino for days after that...

Fur Trade...

2009-05-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I got caught in one of those protests against fur trade (which I absolutely don't like either - fur trade that is), and some wild eyed madman started to yell at me that I was cruel to animals - and then spray painted me a bright neon green! Took ages and about fourteen tubs of bleach to get me clean again! And now my poor fur just frizzles from all that bleach... sigh...

Hal Spacejock...

2007-10-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

I joined Hal Spacejock's Support Crew

I didn't pay anything,
I didn't sign anything,
and I didn't read the fine print.
Just like Hal!

No space pilot can exist in a vacuum (hah!), and behind every successful pilot there's a talented and dedicated support crew.

Hal Spacejock is one of the least successful space pilots in the history of the galaxy, and a worldwide support crew is needed just to get him off the ground.

What's in it for you?
| Join the team | - - - - - - - - - | Hal who? |

Hal Spacejock ... Après moi le wreckage

Stare...

2007-10-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears have it really tough. For the past 30 years I've won every stare contest with cats. Or so I thought. Today one of my cats handed me the rule official CAT STARE book... Apparently it's not how long you can stare, but how cool and unconcerned you can look away that gets you the prize...

Dentist...

2007-10-04T16:21:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. Some of us live up here at the north pole and our most gifted researchers still haven't figured out how to keep toast warm. Up the toast pops out of the toaster all nice and hot and toasty, and by the time it lands on the plate - frozen solid... Can you image my dentist bills???

Say "Cheese"...

2007-10-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I dropped my freshly made cheddar and jack cheese grilled OPEN FACE sandwich on my belly... ouchy, did that hurt trying to remove it. I now have a furless area where the cooling cheese stuck in the shape of a Frenchman carrying two banquettes while riding a bicycle...

Secret Agent 69...

2007-10-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. So my boss here at Teddy Bear HQ assigns me mission. "69," says he, 'cause that's my number, "I don't like asking you to do this, but you will go an a very very very dangerous mission." "Fine Chief, and I'll be lovin' it.", says I, "What's the mish?" "69, you are to infiltrate an orphanage, and find out what the kids want for X-Mas." "Um, can't you send someone else? Last time I did that I needed a new arm, a new ear, and I had to get half of my stuffing replaced. This kids are moider!"

Hat???

2007-10-03T12:34:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was at the movies the other day, and then just after the feature started, this kid behind me started saying "Hey Lady, take off that silly fur hat! I don't see nuttin...". And because I didn't realize he meant me, I didn't react. Suddenly I felt a viscous tugging at my ears - guess the kid was trying to remove my "fur hat"... until I turned around and bared my fangs that is. Boy, could that boy run fast!

Carrot???

2007-10-03T11:17:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was sitting on a snowbank watching kids slide down a hill on some funky sleds, when I suddenly felt a poke at the back of my head. Here was this kid trying to push a carrot in to my skull. Apparently with all the snow that had settled on me, I looked like an unfinished snowman from the back...

Static Cling...

2007-10-03T00:06:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. If we don't get kicked out of restaurants for not wearing a jacket (I _am_ wearing a tie, already!), then the waiters manage to spill tomato soup all over us... Can you imagine what dry cleaning does to fur? I'm still crackling with static cling from the last time!

Acupuncture?!?!?

2007-10-02T23:58:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was on my knees busy at repairing the front step of my friend's shop and this near-sighted old gentleman, McGoo I believe I heard him being called, wiped his shoes on my back. I wouldn't have minded that much, but why did he have to wear his spiked rugby boots??? It's not as if I enjoy that kind of acupuncture...

Kermode aka Spirit Bear

2007-10-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was standing on the sidewalk in Victoria BC swatting at a fly with my paw, and some tourists came up and stood around me saying things like "Hey, they didn't paint this Spirit Bear!" and "That's what a Kermode Bear really looks like!" while they had a local photograph them. Folks, just because my fur is white does not mean I'm a Kermode Bear! I'm a POLAR bear. I live in the arctic. With the penguins. (That's a joke, if you catch it...)

Towel...

2007-10-02T23:25:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. Today I was leaning against the wall in an internet cafe kitchen, sipping my tea and nibbling my toast. This teenager comes up and washes her hands and face in the kitchen sink. Then, eyes closed because full of water, she gropes for the towel rack and drys her hands and face on my belly! She missed the towel rack by this [----------] much... (I'm not fat, I'm just well built, is all...)

Hmmm... Spanakopita!

2007-10-02T23:24:00.004-07:00

We teddy bears actually really have it nice. I was hanging out near the local Greek bakery, and this lady who had just exited it thought I looked so dashing in my tie, she gave me a large piece of the spanakopita she had just bought! Almost as good as toast!

Whale Watch

2007-10-02T23:24:00.003-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was suntaning on the beach and some well meaning Earthnics tried to push me back into the water... Just because I had removed my fur to get a nice tan, does that mean I looked like a beached whale or what?

Me, a coat???

2007-10-02T23:24:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I was shopping for a new tie at the local clothes store, and I guess I was taking too long to decide on one. A lady came up to me with a salesperson who tried to remove my fur so the lady could try it out.... I am NOT a fur coat!!! grumble grumble...

Zoo...

2007-10-02T23:23:00.004-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I went to the zoo the other day with my buddy (a human), and the zoo keepers wanted to keep him, not me! Said they already had enough polar bears, but could use a new chimpanzee...

Fur Trade...

2007-10-02T23:23:00.003-07:00

BON HOMME...

2007-10-02T23:23:00.001-07:00

We teddy bears really have it tough. I visited Quebec last winter and all the kids kept shouting BON HOMME and pawing at me just because I was wearing a red woolen hat with a ponpon... What did I do to deserve that???

Bear Rug???

2007-10-02T23:17:00.001-07:00