Identity issue?

We teddy bears really have it tough. I visited Quebec last winter and all the kids kept shouting BON HOMME and pawing at me just because I was wearing a red woollen hat with a ponpon... What did I do to deserve that???

Rug???

We teddy bears really have it tough. I went to a golf club the other day and they had a roaring fire in the "Pro's Lounge" so I made myself comfortable in front of it. I must have dozed off because suddenly I noticed three ladies lying on my back chatting away... They thought I was the fire place bear skin... I didn't mind too much until one of them spilled her Martini all over me. Stank like a wino for days after that...

Fur Trade...

We teddy bears really have it tough. I got caught in one of those protests against fur trade (which I absolutely don't like either - fur trade that is), and some wild eyed madman started to yell at me that I was cruel to animals - and then spray painted me a bright neon green! Took ages and about fourteen tubs of bleach to get me clean again! And now my poor fur just frizzles from all that bleach... sigh...

Hal Spacejock...

I joined Hal Spacejock's Support Crew

I didn't pay anything,
I didn't sign anything,
and I didn't read the fine print.
Just like Hal!

No space pilot can exist in a vacuum (hah!), and behind every successful pilot there's a talented and dedicated support crew.

Hal Spacejock is one of the least successful space pilots in the history of the galaxy, and a worldwide support crew is needed just to get him off the ground.

What's in it for you?
| Join the team | - - - - - - - - - | Hal who? |

Hal Spacejock ... Après moi le wreckage

Stare...

We teddy bears have it really tough. For the past 30 years I've won every stare contest with cats. Or so I thought. Today one of my cats handed me the rule official CAT STARE book... Apparently it's not how long you can stare, but how cool and unconcerned you can look away that gets you the prize...

Dentist...

We teddy bears really have it tough. Some of us live up here at the north pole and our most gifted researchers still haven't figured out how to keep toast warm. Up the toast pops out of the toaster all nice and hot and toasty, and by the time it lands on the plate - frozen solid... Can you image my dentist bills???

Say "Cheese"...

We teddy bears really have it tough. I dropped my freshly made cheddar and jack cheese grilled OPEN FACE sandwich on my belly... ouchy, did that hurt trying to remove it. I now have a furless area where the cooling cheese stuck in the shape of a Frenchman carrying two banquettes while riding a bicycle...